Kevin Rudd: Australia’s Daddy

Ever since Kevin Rudd and the Labor Party swooped to power last November, it seems as if the social conscience of Australia that was so brutally chained up and locked away during the Howard years has come back. All of the social problem areas of our society — poor people, children and the incredibly stupid crainially challenged — are now finally receiving the attention that they were denied during the time John Howard and the Coalition were in power. And it’s about time, if I may say so.

Some of you may know that, at occasional moments of weakness, I’ve been perhaps a bit harsh on the less fortunate. And if I haven’t been harsh, I’ve definitely been ignorant. However, thanks to Kevin Rudd and his Social Justice Squad — that is, his Cabinet — I have seen the error of my ways.

For starters, drinking is now bad for me. While some may say that it’s a case of a few bad apples spoiling the fun for everybody else, I think Rudd needs to go further. At the very least, he should insist that the legal drinking age is raised to 21 or even beyond. If not that, then Rudd should either slap some more taxes onto alcohol sales (which he can use to pay for additional alcohol education initiatives) or just ban it entirely. Nobody will ever get drunk and unruly again if he takes it away from us, so there can’t possibly be any down-side. After all, it’s for the greater good.

Kevin Rudd and his Government are also going to clean up the internet. Clearly annoyed by the scurge on society that is some parts of the internet, Kevin Rudd and his not at all bizarrely titled Minister for Broadband, Communications and the Digital Economy, Senator Stephen Conroy are acting. At the end of 2007 they were talking up censoring the internet to protect the children. And they are right, because children are the future. Under much pressure from critics Conroy immediately demonstrated his skills at silencing others, by labelling them all paedophiles:

“If people equate freedom of speech with watching child pornography, then the Rudd-Labor Government is going to disagree.”

So in order to keep the children safe from paedophiles, Stephen Conroy is going to censor the internet. Genius! What it means of course, is that when folks in the outback finally get internet coverage, they won’t be able to look at much because it’ll all be censored because it is nasty pornography, violence or hate speech.

This Government and its wonderfully talented Ministers are making life so much easier for us all by making the decisions we as a society cannot be trusted to make.

I can’t help but wonder what other initiatives will be implemented before the next election and perhaps even beyond! In the future, when somebody asks and Australian “who’s your daddy?” the Aussie will be compelled to answer “Kevin Rudd”.